Medical Technology

I entered the newly-opened clinic a few blocks away, filled with curiosity. The brochure they handed out the other day unsurprisingly made claims about being the most advanced healthcare facility in the country, which is what every healthcare facility tries to claim. Maybe it was their clever use of a QR code to install their custom app, or maybe it's the design of the app itself that intrigued me. For a medical facility, it sported a futuristic-looking interface that would be a better fit for a sci-fi show.

My curiosity increased when I saw no one at the reception, or rather there was no reception table at all. Instead, there was a kiosk which I presumed was just for information or marketing purposes until "it" greeted me and asked me to come closer. It explained that to minimize potential exposure, the facility has adopted a fully-automated and digital concierge system. After following the prompts, I tapped my basic information on the screen (which the machine promised to be self-disinfecting) and waited for my turn. Not that I had to wait long as there was no one else inside but me.

After barely a minute, the AI voice directed me to the doctor's office using running LED lights on the floor. They really are trying to sell the whole "advanced" theme, I chuckled to myself. My curiosity turned to bewilderment and then into intense curiosity when I quickly entered the door without knocking first (I half expected the door to slide open like in Star Trek). The man I saw inside had me considering the entire thing would be a scam. Never mind how the blond young man looked like someone straight out of a men's fashion magazine, he also looked more like someone who'd be an intern rather than a practicing physician.

The strangest thing was that the doctor stood in the middle of the room, completely still and staring blankly at the wall beside the door. It only lasted a few seconds before he started to blink and turn in my direction, smiling broadly.

"Oh, hello! Sorry, I didn't notice you come in," the young doctor greeted. "Please take a seat while I pull up your files," he added as he walked towards another kiosk (there was no desk here either). Perhaps it was his very formal delivery, which contrasted starkly with his young face and voice, that threw me off. Or maybe it was the way he read the scrolling screen so quickly without even touching the screen that roused my suspicions.

"Aren't you too young to be a doctor?" I asked, trying my best not to sound rude.

The young physician simply laughed lightly, "I can assure you, Mr. Roberts, I have accumulated enough training and hours to be qualified. You can check our website and the government databases to verify at your leisure." The man plainly said, only turning briefly towards me to smile, before returning to the quickly scrolling text.

Acting on a hunch, I took out my other phone, the phone I use for penetration testing, white-hat hacking, and other fun stuff. I quickly ran my apps to discover their network and, fortunately for me, my previous experience in successfully infiltrating even the DoD (don't ask) yielded results. I noticed an odd-looking network name and hacked into that, analyzing the data packets being sent to and fro. Imagine my surprise when I recognized the data not as regular Internet packets but what looked to me like robot commands.

"OK, Mr. Roberts, let's get your executive checkup started," the doctor suddenly said, turning to walk towards me. I was so startled that I accidentally hit the very prominent DDoS button (why I even designed it like that baffles me to this day), sending a million random data packets to that network, bringing it down instantly.

"OK, Mr. Roberts, let's get your ... uh," the young man stopped cold in his tracks and looked at me with a blank face, his mouth hanging open. "Error. Network connection lost. Unable to retrieve patient data. Error. Network connection lost. Unable to access main server," the doctor said in a monotone, his mouth barely moving.

I couldn't believe my ears and my eyes but everything finally clicked. Most advanced facility indeed. Knowing I only had a few moments, I quickly hammered out commands on my phone that I used to further compromise what was clearly a robot, gaining access to the entire facility through the compromised network. It was a tense few minutes but I finally gained privileged access without alerting authorities. Most advanced facility indeed, I thought again, this time with a smirk.

The artificial man in front of me shivered, his head and eyes twitching erratically for a few seconds before regaining its "composure". He then smiled at me with less emotion than earlier.

"Greetings! I am your personal health and fitness droid. How may I be of service to you?" the machine asked as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, as my slutty little program started inserting itself into the installed programs.

"Well, why not check me up first to see if you really work as advertised. And then maybe I can check you up and see just how advanced you are, starting with your sex programming," I said with a devilish grin.

"Acknowledge, sir," the robot doctor smiled blankly, raising his arms to show off his perfect body. "The customer is always right."

Looks like I'll be getting regular checkups soon, especially after noticing multiple robot names in the clinic's network.